Centering Moment: Perfection is an illusion
“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.” -- Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
This morning, I woke up sad. I didn’t know exactly why, but sometimes, it just happens. I figured it was because I missed Andrew. He’s been in San Jose for a few days.
I tried to brush it off and went about my day. I sat down to write a few pages in my memoir. I sat at my desk, staring at the words I’d written yesterday, and I cursed myself. It just seemed bad. Who am I to write a memoir? There are so many people out there who are way better writers and who have much more interesting stories. It’s going to take forever, it feels like I’ll never finish. And even if I did, what if no one cares?
Frustrated and annoyed, I decided to work out. I put on an Insanity video and went at it. About halfway through the warm up, I felt exhausted. I cursed myself for letting myself get out of cardio shape. Had I really run a marathon three months ago? Damn it, Kristy. Throughout the work out, I tugged on my shorts, adjusting the band around my waist. Why is it so tight? Damn it, Kristy.
After the video ended, I felt a little better. Whenever I feel off center, there a few ways I like to find it. Moving to my mat is one of them. Remembering I wanted to make a post for Under Armour, I decided to turn the camera on.
I started my movements, going with what feels good, knowing I wanted to practice my kick up to handstand in flow. Then, when it came to my non-dominant leg, I fugged it up. I kept trying. I fell. I cursed myself. Shouldn't I know how to do this by now? I breathed.
And in that moment, I knew what was creating this anxiety. It was my projection of what I think I’m suppose to be RIGHT NOW— perfect.
It’s easy to get caught up in the chase for perfection. We all know that it doesn't exist, but we let the thought of not being perfect cause great anxiety. When situations don’t go the way we think they ought to. When our significant other doesn’t show us love us the exact right way. When we don’t look like the girls in the magazines.
Well tell ourselves, it will be ok… when…
I’ll be happy when… I publish my book.
I’ll feel beautiful when… I lose ten pounds.
I’ll feel complete when… I find the perfect partner.
What is it for you? What are you waiting for? What is the story you’re telling yourself that prevents you from loving yourself exactly as you are right now?
This feeling of being overwhelmed and the fear of not being good enough has been a constant struggle for me, but awareness is the key. Then, it’s about gratitude.
I’m alive and I’m grateful for this exact moment, regardless of the circumstances.
I am where I am.
One step at a time.
I find peace in knowing that I'm moving in the direction I choose. I remember to enjoy the journey because ultimately, that's what life is.
Embrace these moments of struggle. Figure out a way to make peace with them, and you will find the ability to move through it instead of getting frustrated any giving up. Before you know it, you’ll be doing something you’ve never done before and maybe never thought you could do— like breaking personal record, winning a poker tournament, asking out a girl, or a yoga move.
Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you’re exactly where you need to be. We are where we are, so what’s the use in believing anything else? You are amazing and talented in your own unique way. Whatever it is that you want to create, accept and love wherever you are RIGHT NOW, and then, move forward.
I want to publish my book because it's my dream, and I think it will resonate with people. I want to be in better cardio shape because I know it's good for my heart. I want to do kick up handstands with my opposite leg because I think it's bad ass. I accept where I am now. And I won't let fear, or the urge to have it perfect right now, stop me from moving forward.
I set out to make a yoga video packed with “perfect” looking moves, but what I got was a lesson. And I wanted to share that with you guys. With that, I feel lifted a million times. I feel happy, hopeful, and excited. Thank you.
Share this with anyone you know taking on something BIG. Maybe it's just what they need to hear it <3