I'm not a Jackass Whisperer
I was so blown away by your response to last week’s blog about body image. All the comments and messages filled my heart with so much love and inspiration. Well, all except for this one…
Hey dudemanbro, first of all, my post was about a mindset transformation, not a body transformation, and second of all, yes, my husband is attracted to me (he grabs my tiny, Asian, A-cup boobies every chance he gets). Thank you, catguy, for demonstrating exactly why I needed to write the blog in the first place.
Over the years, I’ve come in contact with many people who drink copious amounts of, “haterade.” In fact, years ago, I posted a blog about my reaction to a few of those people. Back then, I thought I'd come up with a productive way to cope (ignore the haters), but really, what I was doing was just internalizing those feelings of inadequacy. As a result, terror of being judged was magnified. I became so paralyzed with fear, that for the most part, I stopped writing. I stopped living, fully.
One of my heroes is a researcher/author/storyteller named Brené Brown. You may recognize her from one of the most viral TED Talks of all time - The Power of Vulnerability. She wrote a book called, “Daring Greatly,” and in it, she starts off by discussing Theodore Roosevelt’s speech,
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
When we are risking in the arena, we are living life! Sure, we may fall down, but to actually play is the only way to win. There will always be people shouting from the crowd, judging, and wishing you ill will but only because deep down, the wish they had the courage to get in the arena with you. Where is the risk for the person criticizing me while hiding behind an avatar on Twitter? There is none. And that is why he doesn’t count.
People are going to judge us no matter what we do. We can’t control that. And it isn't just the overt and obnoxious haters that affect us either. He can be as subtle as a smirk. Do any of these judgmental responses resonate with you?
- Choose to eat healthy “You’re ordering a salad? Ugh you’re not even fat. Gross.”
- Choose to not drink “You’re not fun anymore.”
- Cry “Don’t be so emotional.”
- Write a book “Everyone wants to write a book these days.”
- Be a life coach “Is that even a real thing?”
- Open a fitness studio "That's really expensive, and I don't think you know enough about business."
I have heard them all, and every single one of them stings, especially when it comes from people I consider friends. The secret is not to stuff our feelings and move on. The secret is to CHOOSE not to let it stop you!!!
So what are you not doing because you are worried what others will think? Who are you not being because of fear? If you knew you were dying tomorrow, what would you do? Would you care about what other people think? NO!
The hard truth is that we have no idea how long we have, and we can’t escape death. However, we can choose to live… to really live.
Now, I admit to conversing with the gentleman who tweeted hateful words because a part of me believes we should pour love into all, especially those who are hurting. I tried to be kind and reason with him, but it was useless. I think he told me to "f*** off" a couple times.
Of course, the brilliant Brené Brown has something to say about that as well —“Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.”
Given that tomorrow is never promised, I'm not going to waste my time whispering sweet nothings into a constipated jackass' ear who just wants to poop on my shoe. Because I'm up to big things. And my life's purpose to inspire and empower others to live their biggest, best lives too!!! And that's what I'm going to do.
HOWEVER... if I feel it's a good opportunity to bring humor and shed light on "uncool" behavior, I will. I mean, I how else would I respond to such an annoying request?
Now to be clear, I’m not saying people’s opinions don’t matter. I LOVE feedback! But people’s intention and whether they come from love or anger/fear matters. All those responses above are from anger/fear. Even though it could be subtle, there is a clear difference between someone who is saying something to hurt you or to help you. If a friend tells me from love that they felt like a blog of mine was boring and unorganized, it will hurt, but I will absolutely take it to heart. They are RISKING to by saying the difficult truth. Does that make sense?
Because it is a constant struggle for me to let go of who I think I’m suppose to be and live in authenticity, I have a mantra I say to myself--
I intend to be true to myself, regardless of what others think of me.
And if all else fails to shift me out of feeling stuck and upset about people judging me, my go-to coping mechanism is SHAKING SOME ASS!!!
This song is my current #couragejourney spirit shake off hater song —
Thanks so much for reading guys. You have no idea how much it means to me. If there is something that you know you want to do or be that you let fear of being judged stop you, I'd love to hear about in the comments.